Lent and Easter season

It is the night before Easter..... a truly special night in our Christian faith and tradition.

I missed really celebrating Good Friday with other Christians, our church didn't have a service, but I have been thinking about and pondering it for awhile.

It is a beautiful, holy season indeed.  It is amazing that our faith is built upon the death of Jesus, that betrayal, being forsaken, wounded, hurt, etc., is what He went through.  He is so familiar with the sorrows that we people go through on this earth.  What a beautiful Savior who loves and cares for us and understands us so well.

This year for Lent I tried to give up Facebook.  I say tried because I didn't do it completely, but at least I tried.  I realized I was becoming obsessed, and I was becoming angry, especially over the new little political updates on the right hand side.  I realized I had a Facebook addiction as well.  It was affecting my family, my marriage, and my housework.  It also became a place that I did not feel was safe.  Little tidbits of information seemed to caused fighting and dissension rather than deep understanding.  There are a lot of good things about Facebook, but it was becoming an unhealthy place for me at that time.

I still have a ways to go, but it has been so freeing to step back from it a bit.  I feel I want to continue to step back for awhile.  The other day as I was driving I felt the Lord told me to say, "Lord, my Facebook page is Yours."  The may sound silly to some, but submitting everything to Jesus is what I know we are supposed to do.  I still don't know what that will look like, but I want it to be His.  I want no Facebook addiction.  I want to walk in wisdom in social media.  It is a dangerous tricky medium. It has also brought a lot of blessing.  It has so many pros and cons.

But I am so grateful I did a Facebook fast over Lent.  I felt I could think more clearly, and there was a lot of freedom for me.  I will still use Facebook, it is a powerful communication tool. but I pray it will be with more wisdom and even less.  The Bible says that with fewer words comes wisdom.

Anyways, tomorrow I am helping out with worship at Easter service.  I am looking forward to it.  I am looking forward to worshipping.

God is good.  God is faithful.  I am grateful for Easter season.  I am so grateful Jesus has risen and sits in heaven at the right hand of the Father interceding for me.  I am grateful that my salvation is not dependent on me.  How incredibly loving and gracious Jesus has been to me, a sinner, so weak, so who I should not be.  And yet He loves me anyways and laid down His life for me.   I love You Jesus, and I am so grateful.

When you have passed through the shadow.....

It was a nice night for me.  I had a bit of a long drive to my seminary wives meeting (I live an hour to an hour and a half away).  I had forgotten that a couple who had a special needs child would be on the speakers panel.

The other speakers spoke freely and easily, talking about date nights, walks, time to listen the members in the family, taking vacations to nourish their soul.

The special needs couple spoke rawly of barely getting enough sleep at night, 2-3 hours of uninterrupted sleep was a luxury.  3 am came around with needs for children 5 nights in a row.  The stress showed through, the inability to speak easily and in a relaxed manner as the exhaustion and sorrow affected the emotional, mental and physical wellbeing of the couple.

How my heart ached for them.  I saw so much of myself in them.  I was in the same boat just less than a year ago.  After 3 years of a constantly fussy child, numerous hospital trips and stays, the stress of a marriage trying to bear the weight of a special needs child.

I saw the breaking..... God has chosen to break me.   And yet now, in His grace, He was rebuilding me.  This dear couple was still in the middle of the breaking.

There is something about having walked through the valley of the shadow.  How do you explain it to someone who has never been there.  You just can't.  You just pray that somehow the Lord will bring You through to the other side.  He has (mostly) don't this for me.  Now I pray for others.

Brokenness is not my favorite subject.  I really have no desire to live there.  And yet God has brought me through it many times.  And God speaks much and often of brokenness.  Pray for those who are being broken.  Pray that God will bring them through it.  It is a hurting world.  Only God can truly redeem those broken times.

Must go to bed.  Little one woke up crying, and my own special needs guy will probably be up at 3 as well.

God is good my friends.  He is the hope for the broken world.  I want to spend more time meditating on these.  May they comfort our hearts.  His Word brings such hope and healing.  

Psalm 34:18 ESV / 285 helpful votes

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 51:17 ESV / 180 helpful votes

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 147:3 ESV / 141 helpful votes

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Isaiah 57:15 ESV / 90 helpful votes

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.

John 12:24 ESV / 88 helpful votes

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV / 88 helpful votes

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Psalm 31:12 ESV / 78 helpful votes

I have been forgotten like one who is dead; I have become like a broken vessel.

2 Corinthians 1:8-10 ESV / 69 helpful votes

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.

James 4:6 ESV / 63 helpful votes

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Matthew 5:2-12 ESV / 63 helpful votes

And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. ...

Isaiah 66:2 ESV / 53 helpful votes

All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.

Galatians 2:20 ESV / 50 helpful votes

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

James 5:16 ESV / 36 helpful votes

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Isaiah 66:1-2 ESV / 35 helpful votes

Thus says the Lord: “Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool; what is the house that you would build for me, and what is the place of my rest? All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.

Psalm 51:1-19 ESV / 28 helpful votes

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. ...

1 John 1:9 ESV / 27 helpful votes

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Jeremiah 18:1-23 ESV / 26 helpful votes

The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: “Arise, and go down to the potter's house, and there I will let you hear my words.” So I went down to the potter's house, and there he was working at his wheel. And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter's hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do. Then the word of the Lord came to me: ...

Matthew 5:3-4 ESV / 24 helpful votes

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Acts 20:24 ESV / 23 helpful votes

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Romans 3:10 ESV / 19 helpful votes

As it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;

John 14:1-31 ESV / 18 helpful votes

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” ...

Romans 6:23 ESV / 17 helpful votes

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Proverbs 17:22 ESV / 17 helpful votes

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Psalm 31:23 ESV / 17 helpful votes

Love the Lord, all you his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.

1 Samuel 30:1-6 ESV / 15 helpful votes

Now when David and his men came to Ziklag on the third day, the Amalekites had made a raid against the Negeb and against Ziklag. They had overcome Ziklag and burned it with fire and taken captive the women and all who were in it, both small and great. They killed no one, but carried them off and went their way. And when David and his men came to the city, they found it burned with fire, and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep. David's two wives also had been taken captive, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel. ...

Hosea 10:12 ESV / 11 helpful votes

Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.

Ephesians 3:1-21 ESV / 10 helpful votes

For this reason I, Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus on behalf of you Gentiles— assuming that you have heard of the stewardship of God's grace that was given to me for you, how the mystery was made known to me by revelation, as I have written briefly. When you read this, you can perceive my insight into the mystery of Christ, which was not made known to the sons of men in other generations as it has now been revealed to his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit. ...

Romans 5:1-21 ESV / 10 helpful votes

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. ...

Zechariah 4:10 ESV / 10 helpful votes

For whoever has despised the day of small things shall rejoice, and shall see the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel. “These seven are the eyes of the Lord, which range through the whole earth.”

Isaiah 61:1-11 ESV / 10 helpful votes

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. Strangers shall stand and tend your flocks; foreigners shall be your plowmen and vinedressers; ...

John 14:6 ESV / 8 helpful votes

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Luke 23:34 ESV / 8 helpful votes

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

Luke 19:40 ESV / 8 helpful votes

He answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out.”

Psalm 130:1-2 ESV / 7 helpful votes

A Song of Ascents. Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord! O Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

1 Chronicles 9:1-44 ESV / 7 helpful votes

So all Israel was recorded in genealogies, and these are written in the Book of the Kings of Israel. And Judah was taken into exile in Babylon because of their breach of faith. Now the first to dwell again in their possessions in their cities were Israel, the priests, the Levites, and the temple servants. And some of the people of Judah, Benjamin, Ephraim, and Manasseh lived in Jerusalem: Uthai the son of Ammihud, son of Omri, son of Imri, son of Bani, from the sons of Perez the son of Judah. And of the Shilonites: Asaiah the firstborn, and his sons. ...

Romans 3:23 ESV / 6 helpful votes

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

2 Chronicles 7:13 ESV / 6 helpful votes

When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among my people,

1 Timothy 1:9 ESV / 5 helpful votes

Understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers,

Matthew 5:1-48 ESV / 5 helpful votes

Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. ...

Job 1:1-22 ESV / 5 helpful votes

There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil. There were born to him seven sons and three daughters. He possessed 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 female donkeys, and very many servants, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the east. His sons used to go and hold a feast in the house of each one on his day, and they would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did continually. ...

Psalm 40:1-5 ESV / 4 helpful votes  

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

Psalm 103

Psalm 103New Living Translation (NLT)

Psalm 103

A psalm of David.

1 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
    with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
2 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
    may I never forget the good things he does for me.
3 He forgives all my sins
    and heals all my diseases.
4 He redeems me from death
    and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
5 He fills my life with good things.
    My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

6 The Lord gives righteousness
    and justice to all who are treated unfairly.

7 He revealed his character to Moses
    and his deeds to the people of Israel.
8 The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
    slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
9 He will not constantly accuse us,
    nor remain angry forever.
10 He does not punish us for all our sins;
    he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
    is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
12 He has removed our sins as far from us
    as the east is from the west.
13 The Lord is like a father to his children,
    tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
14 For he knows how weak we are;
    he remembers we are only dust.
15 Our days on earth are like grass;
    like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
16 The wind blows, and we are gone—
    as though we had never been here.
17 But the love of the Lord remains forever
    with those who fear him.
His salvation extends to the children’s children
18     of those who are faithful to his covenant,
    of those who obey his commandments!

19 The Lord has made the heavens his throne;
    from there he rules over everything.

20 Praise the Lord, you angels,
    you mighty ones who carry out his plans,
    listening for each of his commands.
21 Yes, praise the Lord, you armies of angels
    who serve him and do his will!
22 Praise the Lord, everything he has created,
    everything in all his kingdom.

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

Sunday Afternoon Tea (and Coffee)

As I thought through what has ministered to my heart this week, it just seems like there are so many fragmented things that it is hard to put it into one cohesive posts.  But I guess that is the beauty of how the Lord speaks to us, a little here, a little there.

I will probalby not be as organized as my friend, since I have a special needs child and a 1 year old, and of course a 9 and 7 year old as well, although they are pretty helpful overall, even though they do need mothering.

But I will say that the thing that has touched my heart the most recetly has been the topic of obedience.  And this is not because I am an incredibly obedient person right now, but probably because I need to reign my heart back in from it's careless, strong willed ways.

I have been told I am a strong, determined woman, and I have been told I am sweet and soft. I don't really know which I am, but I find it amusing.  I know the Lord has given me strength I didn't think I had through this special needs journey.  But I think it has also made me stronger, being a special needs mom.  And it has made me more dependent on Christ.

But sometimes, in my need to "fight" as a special needs mom (a sad, but true statement, as we fight for our childrens needs to be met), I forget that I need to surrender, especially to the Lords claims in my life.

You see long ago, I told the Lord that my life was no longer my own, that it was His to direct as He wanted.  And I really did mean it, in as much as I could understand at that time.  And the Lord has graciously and lovingly given me challenges to overcome which have made me strong.  Yet in my strength, I must remember that I must have any strength submitted to the Lordship of Christ in my life.

To be completely honest, my challenges in obedience now are in obeying the Lord in being gentle and loving and patient.  These are my desires, but sometimes the stresses of life cause frustration and irritability to be present.  Trusting the Lord and not being anxious is also something that I have to work on with obedience.

Sometimes my lack of obedience or even my inability to obey and be who the Lord wants me to be, causes me great sorrow.  For example, when my lack of gentleness and understanding hurts a person, especially someone who I want to point to Christ, this makes me sad.  And sometimes in my "battling the challenges of life" I can lack sensitivity and understanding and hurt people, and this hurts my heart.

Some of my friends feel that I am being legalistic and focusing on obedience and I can understand that.  But I feel that there is a Scriptural balance.  And maybe those friends of mine are better at obeying.  I am pretty sure that they are.  I tend to struggle with straying and being strong minded and strong willed and so this needs to be something that I keep before me.

I guess I should have mentioned this earlier, but what caused me to think about obedience.  It was when I was in John chapter 14.  I really wanted to meditate on John 14-17 for awhile, and it has been good for me to think on.  What got me started thinking about this was this passage.

John 14

15 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper,[f] to be with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be[g] in you.

18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. 21 Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”

Anyways, I have been trying to really think about how I can be obedient.  And realize and confess when I haven't been obedient.  I realize that this is a life long process. Sally Clarkson over at Itakejoy.com talks about "The Long Obedience", or how obedience is a lifelong choice of choosing to follow down God's paths rather than ours.  And while we may make mistakes along the way that as long as we are choosing to point ourselves in God's direction we are "walking in obedience".  Her thoughts on the subject are very comforting.

I do realize that perhaps one way I can humbly say I've tried to walk in obedience is through keeping and loving my special needs son.  But with God's commands, there come blessings, even if they are sometimes laced with hardship.  Having a special needs child has been one of the things that I see the Lord using in my life the most.  It hasn't been easy, but it has been good.  And going through the hard times has grown me more than just about anything.

To make this more personal and to ask all of you your opinions, how do we walk in obedience in this day and age when obedience is not cherished or prized, sometimes even among Christians.  How do we walk in love and gentleness while still dealing with truth and justice?  What do we do if our speaking of truth or calling sin sin gets us labeled?  Also what do we do when we hurt or offend others without meaning to?   These are all hard questions I am thinking of.

But one thing I do know.  The one who I want to live for is God.  And I want His approval to be what matters most.  I pray that I can obey, not because my salvation depends on it, but because God says it is a way to show my love for Him.  And I want to love Him dearly.  I'd love to hear any thoughts.

Blessings, Charissa

What the world needs....

 I've been struggling with myself lately and this world.  Struggling with feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by some of the sorrows, getting too caught up in the news, things I can't change.  Struggling with my own weakness and imperfections.  Struggling with the darkness of the world.

And I realize...., what the world needs, like it always has, is Jesus.

My husband read me an amazing story.  The early church was being persecuted but it persisted and it started to explode. It was burgeoning at the seams, the Roman empire couldn't keep it in check despite the persecution it faced.  People were coming to faith everywhere.  Finally, under Constantine it became a "Christian" empire.  And then, for some reason the church decided that individuals needed to stop sharing their faith.  Maybe they weren't doing it right, maybe they didn't know enough, they hadn't been formally trained etc.  And so sharing of the faith was given to the leaders of the church.

Passion died, the church struggled even though there was little to no persecution.  Growth and explosion stopped.

My friends, I am speaking from my heart.  This world is dark.  We are all weak.  I am so, so weak.  But the hope we have for this world and ultimately the next is Jesus.

I'm grateful for this.  It is out of my hands.  I cannot change things.  But when Jesus truly enters a persons heart, He can change them.

I need Jesus to change my heart.  And I need to realize that He is the hope of every single individual on this earth.

Come quickly Lord Jesus, change our hearts, change this hurting world.  We are grateful that one day by Your grace and mercy alone we will see Your actual face when we leave this sorrowful earthly body and home.

I need Jesus deep in my soul.  I need Him to change everything.  And I need to share Him and His hope to a lost, hurting world.  My friend, I pray you will too.<3 nbsp="">

Updates and good things

Good morning friends,

I'm sorry I haven't updated this for awhile.  I was a bit emotionally worn from the hospital stay.

I think last time I updated Josiah was in the hospital and we had taken him OFF Topamax but hadn't figured out a new med for him.  Well, we did figure out two new meds, and I am very happy.

We started him on Phenobarbital, just the regular run of the mill, used forever seizure medicine, and I am really happy with it.  I like the tried and true myself.  :)  He hasn't had a serious seizure since he started.  Sometimes he will start into one, but it never goes into a grand mal and he is able to get out of it.  We also started him on Valium.  It relaxes him and helps him with his anxiety and irritability.  It also relaxes smooth muscle.  A wonderful thing is that he has stopped his gagging and we can now get more food into.  I don't know if it was getting off of Topamax (which irritates the Gastrointestinal system), or the Valium (which relaxes smooth muscle), or a combination of both, but this is wonderful news indeed!! Along with his high cbd, low thc medical cannabis we are in a good place.  I am so, so grateful.

This is what I have been waiting for for three years.  I actually feel like I can breathe just a little now, where as before I didn't feel that way.  I was always on alert and high stress, and the pressure was almost unbearable at times.

We are still not completely out of the woods, but we are doing so much better in terms of seizures and feeding, and I am so grateful for the Lords guiding hand.

Another piece of information on Josiahs side is that we decided to go ahead with his hip dysplagia surgery.  Even though I do not like the idea of this surgery and thinking about the details can make me feel queazy, I am hoping in the long run the benefits will be worth it.  Right now he can't sit in his carseat or wheelchair without screaming in pain.  To say that this affects his life would probably be obvious, since he is either laying on the floor or couch or being held all day.  As he gets bigger carrying him around all the time will become more and more unsustainable and so something does need to be done.  They will be doing crazy things like cutting bone, putting in plates and pins etc., but he is in pain already and if it can relieve some of the pain and help him sit in his wheelchair and car seat that will be huge.  So right now the surgery is scheduled for the middle of September.  He will have his oh so glorious spica cast from his upper abdomen to his ankles for six weeks and then we will start rehabilitation.

I've realized recently that I've talked way too much about Josiah and not enough about anything else.  I am sorry for this.  It has been such a crisis that I think have responded rather than being completely reasonable.  I have been praying for awhile that the Lord would make things sustainable and that wouldn't always be having to deal with emergencies and crisis and we could find a pace that works for the whole family.  We aren't completely there yet, (after all we do have a big surgery and recovery coming up, and teaching Josiah to adjust to his wheelchair), but we are so much better than we were.  Just having Josiah less irritable and more comfortable is HUGE, as that has always been a  huge prayer of mine.  I'm so grateful for the Lords good hand in this.

So anyways, I will try and be a little more balanced in the future.  I am starting to feel like I can breathe again, and the constant anxiety and adrenalin rush from constant emergencies is subsiding slightly although not completely.

I better get back to my day.  The kids are up.  I've started Josiahs feeding, given him some of his meds, and need to make oatmeal for the rest of my littles.

Have a blessed day, Charissa

P.S.  I forgot to mention for those who were kind enough to give me references for chiropractors, that we did see a chiropractor for Josiah and he said that unfortunately he cannot help him, and that Josiah needs surgery.  A big thank you to every who tried to help me think that through though.  I feel like we definitely tried and now have a clear answer.  <3 p="">

Josiahs Hospital Stay June 2015

Our newest update on Josiah is that he was admitted to the hospital on Fathers Day.  He had been struggling already for awhile and then on Fathers Day he had 12 grand mal seizures.  We called the on call neurologist and he got us straight into the ER.  We were at my parents in Victorville and couldn't call an ambulance without an enormous bill or having to go to another hospital so we drove down the hill to Loma Linda praying all the way.

I ran from the parking structure across the street into the ER carrying Josiah as he was seizing.  It was uphill and a ways and I was so out of breath.  Im not as strong as I used to be.   If it wasn't so sad it would be funny.

He was seizing pretty badly.  They were ready to give him a shot of Ativan.  In front of a bunch of nurses and doctors in the ER give the cannabis oil and they saw how it stopped it in its tracks.  Unfortunately the seizures kept coming back, but they saw how effective it could be and were completely supportive.  He was loaded with phenobarbitol and we started him on topamax again.  Yesterday, he was either asleep or awake and seizing.  After seeing his reaction to the topamax I requested that we take it off as he was completely miserable on it.  I think he was hallucinating, he was gagging, and sweating, he stopped communicating with me, his eyes were twitching back and forth and he was planking and very, very irritable and miserable.  So, yay!!  Off of Topamax.

We are going to try Valium next.  They gave him his first dose today.  I'm praying that this will help him.  He is fairly stable, but he has been sleeping so much.  I don't know how sustainable this is.

My main goals for him during this hospital stay are becoming comfortable and staying as seizure free as possible, as well as finding maintanance medication that works.  We are continuing the medical cannabis in the hospital with the doctor s approval and monitoring.  It is definitely helping him with his comfort level.  I think it is helping with his seizing too, but we may need a combination of pharmaceuticals and cannabis at this point.

Tomorrow morning we will talk with the doctor and see how he did on it for almost 24 hours.  If he did well, we can come home, if not than we will be staying at the hospital to see if we can find something that works.

We'd appreciate any prayers.  I'm pretty tired (but than when am I not?  :)) Also, for the kids as they will be only having one parent at home as Dave and I switch off and on staying with Josiah at the hospital.  The kids aren't really allowed in the hospital.  My parents are helping out a lot as well.

The Lord is good.

One thing I think about often since we have moved to this house and are right at the foothill of the mountains is this verse,

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains.  Where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth."

Here are a few pictures just because.

Thanks for any prayers.  Love, Rissy