What the world needs....

 I've been struggling with myself lately and this world.  Struggling with feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by some of the sorrows, getting too caught up in the news, things I can't change.  Struggling with my own weakness and imperfections.  Struggling with the darkness of the world.

And I realize...., what the world needs, like it always has, is Jesus.

My husband read me an amazing story.  The early church was being persecuted but it persisted and it started to explode. It was burgeoning at the seams, the Roman empire couldn't keep it in check despite the persecution it faced.  People were coming to faith everywhere.  Finally, under Constantine it became a "Christian" empire.  And then, for some reason the church decided that individuals needed to stop sharing their faith.  Maybe they weren't doing it right, maybe they didn't know enough, they hadn't been formally trained etc.  And so sharing of the faith was given to the leaders of the church.

Passion died, the church struggled even though there was little to no persecution.  Growth and explosion stopped.

My friends, I am speaking from my heart.  This world is dark.  We are all weak.  I am so, so weak.  But the hope we have for this world and ultimately the next is Jesus.

I'm grateful for this.  It is out of my hands.  I cannot change things.  But when Jesus truly enters a persons heart, He can change them.

I need Jesus to change my heart.  And I need to realize that He is the hope of every single individual on this earth.

Come quickly Lord Jesus, change our hearts, change this hurting world.  We are grateful that one day by Your grace and mercy alone we will see Your actual face when we leave this sorrowful earthly body and home.

I need Jesus deep in my soul.  I need Him to change everything.  And I need to share Him and His hope to a lost, hurting world.  My friend, I pray you will too.<3 nbsp="">

Updates and good things

Good morning friends,

I'm sorry I haven't updated this for awhile.  I was a bit emotionally worn from the hospital stay.

I think last time I updated Josiah was in the hospital and we had taken him OFF Topamax but hadn't figured out a new med for him.  Well, we did figure out two new meds, and I am very happy.

We started him on Phenobarbital, just the regular run of the mill, used forever seizure medicine, and I am really happy with it.  I like the tried and true myself.  :)  He hasn't had a serious seizure since he started.  Sometimes he will start into one, but it never goes into a grand mal and he is able to get out of it.  We also started him on Valium.  It relaxes him and helps him with his anxiety and irritability.  It also relaxes smooth muscle.  A wonderful thing is that he has stopped his gagging and we can now get more food into.  I don't know if it was getting off of Topamax (which irritates the Gastrointestinal system), or the Valium (which relaxes smooth muscle), or a combination of both, but this is wonderful news indeed!! Along with his high cbd, low thc medical cannabis we are in a good place.  I am so, so grateful.

This is what I have been waiting for for three years.  I actually feel like I can breathe just a little now, where as before I didn't feel that way.  I was always on alert and high stress, and the pressure was almost unbearable at times.

We are still not completely out of the woods, but we are doing so much better in terms of seizures and feeding, and I am so grateful for the Lords guiding hand.

Another piece of information on Josiahs side is that we decided to go ahead with his hip dysplagia surgery.  Even though I do not like the idea of this surgery and thinking about the details can make me feel queazy, I am hoping in the long run the benefits will be worth it.  Right now he can't sit in his carseat or wheelchair without screaming in pain.  To say that this affects his life would probably be obvious, since he is either laying on the floor or couch or being held all day.  As he gets bigger carrying him around all the time will become more and more unsustainable and so something does need to be done.  They will be doing crazy things like cutting bone, putting in plates and pins etc., but he is in pain already and if it can relieve some of the pain and help him sit in his wheelchair and car seat that will be huge.  So right now the surgery is scheduled for the middle of September.  He will have his oh so glorious spica cast from his upper abdomen to his ankles for six weeks and then we will start rehabilitation.

I've realized recently that I've talked way too much about Josiah and not enough about anything else.  I am sorry for this.  It has been such a crisis that I think have responded rather than being completely reasonable.  I have been praying for awhile that the Lord would make things sustainable and that wouldn't always be having to deal with emergencies and crisis and we could find a pace that works for the whole family.  We aren't completely there yet, (after all we do have a big surgery and recovery coming up, and teaching Josiah to adjust to his wheelchair), but we are so much better than we were.  Just having Josiah less irritable and more comfortable is HUGE, as that has always been a  huge prayer of mine.  I'm so grateful for the Lords good hand in this.

So anyways, I will try and be a little more balanced in the future.  I am starting to feel like I can breathe again, and the constant anxiety and adrenalin rush from constant emergencies is subsiding slightly although not completely.

I better get back to my day.  The kids are up.  I've started Josiahs feeding, given him some of his meds, and need to make oatmeal for the rest of my littles.

Have a blessed day, Charissa

P.S.  I forgot to mention for those who were kind enough to give me references for chiropractors, that we did see a chiropractor for Josiah and he said that unfortunately he cannot help him, and that Josiah needs surgery.  A big thank you to every who tried to help me think that through though.  I feel like we definitely tried and now have a clear answer.  <3 p="">