Loneliness and Disability

It has been a season of being at home a lot, because Josiah is getting so big and unable to sit comfortably in his wheelchair.

I never realized how much immobility could cause loneliness and isolation with disability.  I never realized the heartache of feeling like you can't get out.

And I realize once again the amazing wisdom and compassion of Scripture in which it states among other things to visit and care for the sick.

Loneliness is such an issue.  And the love and knowledge of God comes through so clearly in his commands to reach out to those who are sick and lonely.

This is not in any ways a desire to make anyone feel bad, but a chance I have to say thank you and acknowledge those who have reached out in love and understanding to us.  We have many people who have loved us, and loved us well, and we are so incredibly blessed.  The love of Christ through the body of Christ is a beautiful thing.

So, it is just an encouragement.  If you have a family member or friend who is struggling with disability or illness or sickness, your love and presence means so much to them.  There are so many ways that people have loved us, countless meals, people have come to clean our house, and people who have listened to our struggles and heartache and still loved us and have prayed for us.

The sweetness of those who follow Gods commands to love, especially those who are disabled or isolated due to immobility is the cure for loneliness and disability.

Many people have not been blessed to have those things in their lives.  There have been seasons that we have not had as much love and support.  Sometimes you can look on Facebook and become slightly jealous at what people get to do all the time.  Praying for you that you can keep going and do what you can to love others.  I am praying for myself too in a season of slight loneliness.  But I am grateful to have my sweet husband and children.

I'm sure this little post won't change the world.  Jesus, His Word and the love of faithful Christians will do that, but it is a little contribution that I can make.  Your actions matter friends.  They mean a lot.  Thank  you to those who have loved and reached out.  I pray someday I can do the same for others.  <3 p="">

May 2016- Journal

I have kind of been offline lately.  It has been a tough season, one where there has had to be a lot of time of thinking and praying and solitude, and searching Scripture, and begging God for help.  It is good sometimes to just have time in our own personal desert.  Jesus had his time, so I guess it is ok for me to withdraw for awhile.   But I think lately I am realizing that some journaling is a good thing.  Obviously some journaling is something that I want just between me and God, othertimes, it is good to share things with friends and family who care to follow along in our journey.  And how grateful I am for those sweet people who come along with us on our journey.   Another cerebral palsy parent had mentioned that it had been recommended to them by someone who worked with parents with children who were sick or disabled etc., that online journaling and blogging can be therapeutic.  I think that that is where I am right now.  I don't feel I have words of wisdom.  I just have my journey and my story of our doing our best with the curveballs that have come our way.

So, somehow along the way, I felt like it would be a good thing to move.  I think I was partly crazy, and I don't think I realized how much stress it would put on our lives.  At first we were looking in Forest Falls because both Dave and I love the mountains and the cooler weather.  But a friend reminded us that we would be further from everyone who supports us here and further from Daves school.  As hard as it was to change our plans, we realized that practically living in the mountains might not be best right now.  Perhaps later if the Lord opens the door, but than perhaps not.  Anyways, so we will see if we find something here in the valley and desert.  The Lord would have to do miracles.  I don't want to say too much unless something works out, but that has been something we have been looking at and, I'm not going to lie has put a LOT of stress in our family.  More than has been intended, and more than what was wise.

Anyways, we had a really good few months for Josiah where he was so, so, happy and sitting in his wheelchair comfortably.  It was wonderful.  I really felt like I could breathe and function again.  From about late December to mid-April all was well.  However, than last month Josiah start to get incomfortable and fussy again.  It has taken much longer than I expected to talk with doctors and fix medications.  I had a few challenges working with doctors who wanted to start medication that would help with seizures but increase irritability.  That was really, really emotionally hard on me.  There was one doctor who really upset me.  Thankfully, when I got a second opinion, there was more peaceful solution, and I am really grateful for that.  Josiah is on three pharmaceutical drugs so I have to have permission for a dose change from three different specialists.  So it can get complicated.  I am praying that all of this paperwork will work out and we will have a happy Josiah again who can sit in his wheelchair.  Oh yes, the wheelchair.  Josiah hasn't been going to physical therapy, but his wheelchair is serviced through pt.  I had gotten a phone call from the head of the pt department saying they were going to cancel Josiahs therapy.  I was ok with that because he was still recovering from surgery and I wasn't sure when therapy could be resumed.  However, they canceled his wheelchair service as well.  I didn't realize that they would do that.  So, I have more paperwork.

All of this on top of caring for my other kids, caring for them home, caregiving Josiah at night and not getting enough sleep and homeschooling.

It is a very tiring, emotionally draining, long season.  There are times where it is overwhelming.  I wonder if I should change something, but I start thinking about putting the kids in school and I have no peace, or I think about putting Josiah in school and I have no peace.  So I go back to where we came from.  Of course the one thing that would help me more than anything would be housekeeping help and a chef, but for some reason that just isn't in our budget.  :)

I'm just plugging away over here.  I am learning to put one step in from the other.  I am praying I can just do my best and work really hard and love well, and still have enough time to nourish my soul and my faith, because that provides so much strength.  Without the Lord, I don't know I would do it.  And I am also praying that I can listen to my bodies needs during this marathon and care for it so that I can keep going and take care of the responsiblities given to me.

I don't really have any fancy closing other than, what sounds amazing right now is a cup of coffee and putting my feet up with some time in the Word.  I only have two kids at home right now, and they are both happy, so this is a beautiful moment.

Blessings.  <3 p="">

Lent and Easter season

It is the night before Easter..... a truly special night in our Christian faith and tradition.

I missed really celebrating Good Friday with other Christians, our church didn't have a service, but I have been thinking about and pondering it for awhile.

It is a beautiful, holy season indeed.  It is amazing that our faith is built upon the death of Jesus, that betrayal, being forsaken, wounded, hurt, etc., is what He went through.  He is so familiar with the sorrows that we people go through on this earth.  What a beautiful Savior who loves and cares for us and understands us so well.

This year for Lent I tried to give up Facebook.  I say tried because I didn't do it completely, but at least I tried.  I realized I was becoming obsessed, and I was becoming angry, especially over the new little political updates on the right hand side.  I realized I had a Facebook addiction as well.  It was affecting my family, my marriage, and my housework.  It also became a place that I did not feel was safe.  Little tidbits of information seemed to caused fighting and dissension rather than deep understanding.  There are a lot of good things about Facebook, but it was becoming an unhealthy place for me at that time.

I still have a ways to go, but it has been so freeing to step back from it a bit.  I feel I want to continue to step back for awhile.  The other day as I was driving I felt the Lord told me to say, "Lord, my Facebook page is Yours."  The may sound silly to some, but submitting everything to Jesus is what I know we are supposed to do.  I still don't know what that will look like, but I want it to be His.  I want no Facebook addiction.  I want to walk in wisdom in social media.  It is a dangerous tricky medium. It has also brought a lot of blessing.  It has so many pros and cons.

But I am so grateful I did a Facebook fast over Lent.  I felt I could think more clearly, and there was a lot of freedom for me.  I will still use Facebook, it is a powerful communication tool. but I pray it will be with more wisdom and even less.  The Bible says that with fewer words comes wisdom.

Anyways, tomorrow I am helping out with worship at Easter service.  I am looking forward to it.  I am looking forward to worshipping.

God is good.  God is faithful.  I am grateful for Easter season.  I am so grateful Jesus has risen and sits in heaven at the right hand of the Father interceding for me.  I am grateful that my salvation is not dependent on me.  How incredibly loving and gracious Jesus has been to me, a sinner, so weak, so who I should not be.  And yet He loves me anyways and laid down His life for me.   I love You Jesus, and I am so grateful.

When you have passed through the shadow.....

It was a nice night for me.  I had a bit of a long drive to my seminary wives meeting (I live an hour to an hour and a half away).  I had forgotten that a couple who had a special needs child would be on the speakers panel.

The other speakers spoke freely and easily, talking about date nights, walks, time to listen the members in the family, taking vacations to nourish their soul.

The special needs couple spoke rawly of barely getting enough sleep at night, 2-3 hours of uninterrupted sleep was a luxury.  3 am came around with needs for children 5 nights in a row.  The stress showed through, the inability to speak easily and in a relaxed manner as the exhaustion and sorrow affected the emotional, mental and physical wellbeing of the couple.

How my heart ached for them.  I saw so much of myself in them.  I was in the same boat just less than a year ago.  After 3 years of a constantly fussy child, numerous hospital trips and stays, the stress of a marriage trying to bear the weight of a special needs child.

I saw the breaking..... God has chosen to break me.   And yet now, in His grace, He was rebuilding me.  This dear couple was still in the middle of the breaking.

There is something about having walked through the valley of the shadow.  How do you explain it to someone who has never been there.  You just can't.  You just pray that somehow the Lord will bring You through to the other side.  He has (mostly) don't this for me.  Now I pray for others.

Brokenness is not my favorite subject.  I really have no desire to live there.  And yet God has brought me through it many times.  And God speaks much and often of brokenness.  Pray for those who are being broken.  Pray that God will bring them through it.  It is a hurting world.  Only God can truly redeem those broken times.

Must go to bed.  Little one woke up crying, and my own special needs guy will probably be up at 3 as well.

God is good my friends.  He is the hope for the broken world.  I want to spend more time meditating on these.  May they comfort our hearts.  His Word brings such hope and healing.  

Psalm 34:18 ESV / 285 helpful votes

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 51:17 ESV / 180 helpful votes

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 147:3 ESV / 141 helpful votes

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Isaiah 57:15 ESV / 90 helpful votes

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.

John 12:24 ESV / 88 helpful votes

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV / 88 helpful votes

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Psalm 31:12 ESV / 78 helpful votes

I have been forgotten like one who is dead; I have become like a broken vessel.

2 Corinthians 1:8-10 ESV / 69 helpful votes

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.

James 4:6 ESV / 63 helpful votes

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Matthew 5:2-12 ESV / 63 helpful votes

And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. ...

Isaiah 66:2 ESV / 53 helpful votes

All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.

Galatians 2:20 ESV / 50 helpful votes

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

James 5:16 ESV / 36 helpful votes

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Isaiah 66:1-2 ESV / 35 helpful votes

Thus says the Lord: “Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool; what is the house that you would build for me, and what is the place of my rest? All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.

Psalm 51:1-19 ESV / 28 helpful votes

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. ...

1 John 1:9 ESV / 27 helpful votes

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Jeremiah 18:1-23 ESV / 26 helpful votes

The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: “Arise, and go down to the potter's house, and there I will let you hear my words.” So I went down to the potter's house, and there he was working at his wheel. And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter's hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do. Then the word of the Lord came to me: ...

Matthew 5:3-4 ESV / 24 helpful votes

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Acts 20:24 ESV / 23 helpful votes

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Romans 3:10 ESV / 19 helpful votes

As it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;

John 14:1-31 ESV / 18 helpful votes

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” ...

Romans 6:23 ESV / 17 helpful votes

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Proverbs 17:22 ESV / 17 helpful votes

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Psalm 31:23 ESV / 17 helpful votes

Love the Lord, all you his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.

1 Samuel 30:1-6 ESV / 15 helpful votes

Now when David and his men came to Ziklag on the third day, the Amalekites had made a raid against the Negeb and against Ziklag. They had overcome Ziklag and burned it with fire and taken captive the women and all who were in it, both small and great. They killed no one, but carried them off and went their way. And when David and his men came to the city, they found it burned with fire, and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep. David's two wives also had been taken captive, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel. ...

Hosea 10:12 ESV / 11 helpful votes

Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.

Ephesians 3:1-21 ESV / 10 helpful votes

For this reason I, Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus on behalf of you Gentiles— assuming that you have heard of the stewardship of God's grace that was given to me for you, how the mystery was made known to me by revelation, as I have written briefly. When you read this, you can perceive my insight into the mystery of Christ, which was not made known to the sons of men in other generations as it has now been revealed to his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit. ...

Romans 5:1-21 ESV / 10 helpful votes

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. ...

Zechariah 4:10 ESV / 10 helpful votes

For whoever has despised the day of small things shall rejoice, and shall see the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel. “These seven are the eyes of the Lord, which range through the whole earth.”

Isaiah 61:1-11 ESV / 10 helpful votes

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. Strangers shall stand and tend your flocks; foreigners shall be your plowmen and vinedressers; ...

John 14:6 ESV / 8 helpful votes

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Luke 23:34 ESV / 8 helpful votes

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

Luke 19:40 ESV / 8 helpful votes

He answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out.”

Psalm 130:1-2 ESV / 7 helpful votes

A Song of Ascents. Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord! O Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

1 Chronicles 9:1-44 ESV / 7 helpful votes

So all Israel was recorded in genealogies, and these are written in the Book of the Kings of Israel. And Judah was taken into exile in Babylon because of their breach of faith. Now the first to dwell again in their possessions in their cities were Israel, the priests, the Levites, and the temple servants. And some of the people of Judah, Benjamin, Ephraim, and Manasseh lived in Jerusalem: Uthai the son of Ammihud, son of Omri, son of Imri, son of Bani, from the sons of Perez the son of Judah. And of the Shilonites: Asaiah the firstborn, and his sons. ...

Romans 3:23 ESV / 6 helpful votes

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

2 Chronicles 7:13 ESV / 6 helpful votes

When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among my people,

1 Timothy 1:9 ESV / 5 helpful votes

Understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers,

Matthew 5:1-48 ESV / 5 helpful votes

Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. ...

Job 1:1-22 ESV / 5 helpful votes

There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil. There were born to him seven sons and three daughters. He possessed 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 female donkeys, and very many servants, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the east. His sons used to go and hold a feast in the house of each one on his day, and they would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did continually. ...

Psalm 40:1-5 ESV / 4 helpful votes  

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

Psalm 103

Psalm 103New Living Translation (NLT)

Psalm 103

A psalm of David.

1 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
    with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
2 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
    may I never forget the good things he does for me.
3 He forgives all my sins
    and heals all my diseases.
4 He redeems me from death
    and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
5 He fills my life with good things.
    My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

6 The Lord gives righteousness
    and justice to all who are treated unfairly.

7 He revealed his character to Moses
    and his deeds to the people of Israel.
8 The Lord is compassionate and merciful,
    slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
9 He will not constantly accuse us,
    nor remain angry forever.
10 He does not punish us for all our sins;
    he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
    is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
12 He has removed our sins as far from us
    as the east is from the west.
13 The Lord is like a father to his children,
    tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
14 For he knows how weak we are;
    he remembers we are only dust.
15 Our days on earth are like grass;
    like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
16 The wind blows, and we are gone—
    as though we had never been here.
17 But the love of the Lord remains forever
    with those who fear him.
His salvation extends to the children’s children
18     of those who are faithful to his covenant,
    of those who obey his commandments!

19 The Lord has made the heavens his throne;
    from there he rules over everything.

20 Praise the Lord, you angels,
    you mighty ones who carry out his plans,
    listening for each of his commands.
21 Yes, praise the Lord, you armies of angels
    who serve him and do his will!
22 Praise the Lord, everything he has created,
    everything in all his kingdom.

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

Sunday Afternoon Tea (and Coffee)

As I thought through what has ministered to my heart this week, it just seems like there are so many fragmented things that it is hard to put it into one cohesive posts.  But I guess that is the beauty of how the Lord speaks to us, a little here, a little there.

I will probalby not be as organized as my friend, since I have a special needs child and a 1 year old, and of course a 9 and 7 year old as well, although they are pretty helpful overall, even though they do need mothering.

But I will say that the thing that has touched my heart the most recetly has been the topic of obedience.  And this is not because I am an incredibly obedient person right now, but probably because I need to reign my heart back in from it's careless, strong willed ways.

I have been told I am a strong, determined woman, and I have been told I am sweet and soft. I don't really know which I am, but I find it amusing.  I know the Lord has given me strength I didn't think I had through this special needs journey.  But I think it has also made me stronger, being a special needs mom.  And it has made me more dependent on Christ.

But sometimes, in my need to "fight" as a special needs mom (a sad, but true statement, as we fight for our childrens needs to be met), I forget that I need to surrender, especially to the Lords claims in my life.

You see long ago, I told the Lord that my life was no longer my own, that it was His to direct as He wanted.  And I really did mean it, in as much as I could understand at that time.  And the Lord has graciously and lovingly given me challenges to overcome which have made me strong.  Yet in my strength, I must remember that I must have any strength submitted to the Lordship of Christ in my life.

To be completely honest, my challenges in obedience now are in obeying the Lord in being gentle and loving and patient.  These are my desires, but sometimes the stresses of life cause frustration and irritability to be present.  Trusting the Lord and not being anxious is also something that I have to work on with obedience.

Sometimes my lack of obedience or even my inability to obey and be who the Lord wants me to be, causes me great sorrow.  For example, when my lack of gentleness and understanding hurts a person, especially someone who I want to point to Christ, this makes me sad.  And sometimes in my "battling the challenges of life" I can lack sensitivity and understanding and hurt people, and this hurts my heart.

Some of my friends feel that I am being legalistic and focusing on obedience and I can understand that.  But I feel that there is a Scriptural balance.  And maybe those friends of mine are better at obeying.  I am pretty sure that they are.  I tend to struggle with straying and being strong minded and strong willed and so this needs to be something that I keep before me.

I guess I should have mentioned this earlier, but what caused me to think about obedience.  It was when I was in John chapter 14.  I really wanted to meditate on John 14-17 for awhile, and it has been good for me to think on.  What got me started thinking about this was this passage.

John 14

15 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper,[f] to be with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be[g] in you.

18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. 21 Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”

Anyways, I have been trying to really think about how I can be obedient.  And realize and confess when I haven't been obedient.  I realize that this is a life long process. Sally Clarkson over at Itakejoy.com talks about "The Long Obedience", or how obedience is a lifelong choice of choosing to follow down God's paths rather than ours.  And while we may make mistakes along the way that as long as we are choosing to point ourselves in God's direction we are "walking in obedience".  Her thoughts on the subject are very comforting.

I do realize that perhaps one way I can humbly say I've tried to walk in obedience is through keeping and loving my special needs son.  But with God's commands, there come blessings, even if they are sometimes laced with hardship.  Having a special needs child has been one of the things that I see the Lord using in my life the most.  It hasn't been easy, but it has been good.  And going through the hard times has grown me more than just about anything.

To make this more personal and to ask all of you your opinions, how do we walk in obedience in this day and age when obedience is not cherished or prized, sometimes even among Christians.  How do we walk in love and gentleness while still dealing with truth and justice?  What do we do if our speaking of truth or calling sin sin gets us labeled?  Also what do we do when we hurt or offend others without meaning to?   These are all hard questions I am thinking of.

But one thing I do know.  The one who I want to live for is God.  And I want His approval to be what matters most.  I pray that I can obey, not because my salvation depends on it, but because God says it is a way to show my love for Him.  And I want to love Him dearly.  I'd love to hear any thoughts.

Blessings, Charissa

What the world needs....

 I've been struggling with myself lately and this world.  Struggling with feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by some of the sorrows, getting too caught up in the news, things I can't change.  Struggling with my own weakness and imperfections.  Struggling with the darkness of the world.

And I realize...., what the world needs, like it always has, is Jesus.

My husband read me an amazing story.  The early church was being persecuted but it persisted and it started to explode. It was burgeoning at the seams, the Roman empire couldn't keep it in check despite the persecution it faced.  People were coming to faith everywhere.  Finally, under Constantine it became a "Christian" empire.  And then, for some reason the church decided that individuals needed to stop sharing their faith.  Maybe they weren't doing it right, maybe they didn't know enough, they hadn't been formally trained etc.  And so sharing of the faith was given to the leaders of the church.

Passion died, the church struggled even though there was little to no persecution.  Growth and explosion stopped.

My friends, I am speaking from my heart.  This world is dark.  We are all weak.  I am so, so weak.  But the hope we have for this world and ultimately the next is Jesus.

I'm grateful for this.  It is out of my hands.  I cannot change things.  But when Jesus truly enters a persons heart, He can change them.

I need Jesus to change my heart.  And I need to realize that He is the hope of every single individual on this earth.

Come quickly Lord Jesus, change our hearts, change this hurting world.  We are grateful that one day by Your grace and mercy alone we will see Your actual face when we leave this sorrowful earthly body and home.

I need Jesus deep in my soul.  I need Him to change everything.  And I need to share Him and His hope to a lost, hurting world.  My friend, I pray you will too.<3 nbsp="">