I have kind of been offline lately. It has been a tough season, one where there has had to be a lot of time of thinking and praying and solitude, and searching Scripture, and begging God for help. It is good sometimes to just have time in our own personal desert. Jesus had his time, so I guess it is ok for me to withdraw for awhile. But I think lately I am realizing that some journaling is a good thing. Obviously some journaling is something that I want just between me and God, othertimes, it is good to share things with friends and family who care to follow along in our journey. And how grateful I am for those sweet people who come along with us on our journey. Another cerebral palsy parent had mentioned that it had been recommended to them by someone who worked with parents with children who were sick or disabled etc., that online journaling and blogging can be therapeutic. I think that that is where I am right now. I don't feel I have words of wisdom. I just have my journey and my story of our doing our best with the curveballs that have come our way.
So, somehow along the way, I felt like it would be a good thing to move. I think I was partly crazy, and I don't think I realized how much stress it would put on our lives. At first we were looking in Forest Falls because both Dave and I love the mountains and the cooler weather. But a friend reminded us that we would be further from everyone who supports us here and further from Daves school. As hard as it was to change our plans, we realized that practically living in the mountains might not be best right now. Perhaps later if the Lord opens the door, but than perhaps not. Anyways, so we will see if we find something here in the valley and desert. The Lord would have to do miracles. I don't want to say too much unless something works out, but that has been something we have been looking at and, I'm not going to lie has put a LOT of stress in our family. More than has been intended, and more than what was wise.
Anyways, we had a really good few months for Josiah where he was so, so, happy and sitting in his wheelchair comfortably. It was wonderful. I really felt like I could breathe and function again. From about late December to mid-April all was well. However, than last month Josiah start to get incomfortable and fussy again. It has taken much longer than I expected to talk with doctors and fix medications. I had a few challenges working with doctors who wanted to start medication that would help with seizures but increase irritability. That was really, really emotionally hard on me. There was one doctor who really upset me. Thankfully, when I got a second opinion, there was more peaceful solution, and I am really grateful for that. Josiah is on three pharmaceutical drugs so I have to have permission for a dose change from three different specialists. So it can get complicated. I am praying that all of this paperwork will work out and we will have a happy Josiah again who can sit in his wheelchair. Oh yes, the wheelchair. Josiah hasn't been going to physical therapy, but his wheelchair is serviced through pt. I had gotten a phone call from the head of the pt department saying they were going to cancel Josiahs therapy. I was ok with that because he was still recovering from surgery and I wasn't sure when therapy could be resumed. However, they canceled his wheelchair service as well. I didn't realize that they would do that. So, I have more paperwork.
All of this on top of caring for my other kids, caring for them home, caregiving Josiah at night and not getting enough sleep and homeschooling.
It is a very tiring, emotionally draining, long season. There are times where it is overwhelming. I wonder if I should change something, but I start thinking about putting the kids in school and I have no peace, or I think about putting Josiah in school and I have no peace. So I go back to where we came from. Of course the one thing that would help me more than anything would be housekeeping help and a chef, but for some reason that just isn't in our budget. :)
I'm just plugging away over here. I am learning to put one step in from the other. I am praying I can just do my best and work really hard and love well, and still have enough time to nourish my soul and my faith, because that provides so much strength. Without the Lord, I don't know I would do it. And I am also praying that I can listen to my bodies needs during this marathon and care for it so that I can keep going and take care of the responsiblities given to me.
I don't really have any fancy closing other than, what sounds amazing right now is a cup of coffee and putting my feet up with some time in the Word. I only have two kids at home right now, and they are both happy, so this is a beautiful moment.
Blessings. <3 p="">
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